The Perfect Lie

Okay, I did the unthinkable. I invited someone into my home when it was. . .let’s just say less than perfect. No that’s not true, it was a total and complete disaster.
I have been feeling under the weather the last few days and was really neglecting…well, everything. I had trash that needed to be recycled stacked up in the middle of the kitchen island. Milk jugs, pizza box, juice jugs, soup cans. . . .and the list goes on and on. But that’s not the worst of it. The sink was FULL of dirty dishes. The counter tops needed wiping down. The floor was sticky. There were toys in every room and in every corner. The children were not fully dressed, and I was still in my PJ’s. And of course, as that implies no hair, and no makeup.
Are you wondering what the big deal is?
Well, as I might have mentioned before, I am a southern girl and we like to play dress up. We also like to pretend to be a master of all things. We even indulge each other in this fantasy game, by giving a polite “shout out” before dropping by someone’s home. This gives them the opportunity to also pretend to be perfect by shoving all their messiness under a bed, in the closet, or worse in the bath tub (this one, I’ve only heard about).
So why did I open the door, you maybe asking.
Well, I did it to dispel an ugly rumor that has been circulating though my family for quite some time now. You see the “guest” was my dear cousin, and the ugly rumor that I am trying to debunk is that I am “perfect”.
Now why would I want to destroy such a beautiful illusion?
For several reason really, but the main one, the simplest one is because when all the crap that I have ever shoved anywhere, (metaphorically speaking) comes crashing down on me, I want my friends and family to be standing there with a helping hand and a shovel. Not with their mouths hanging open, pointed fingers and shocked expressions.
To tell you the truth, I have no idea where this rumor originated. I’m not perfect by any standard. I’m overweight and underpaid. I’m a lousy driver and can get lost going to my mailbox. I am sarcastic by nature and though fore offensive to most. One leg is shorter than the other one and my earlobes are fat. I do however posses a few qualities that others in my family may be lacking, such as I understand the meaning of R.S.V.P. I can organize an event weeks before it actually occurs, instead of just a few hours, and I do normally keep a tidy house (not that they don’t) but they also have quite a few things up on me. For instance they are all certifiably geniuses. How very annoying.
No, really I love ‘em and I don’t enjoy being judged negatively by them, hence the impromptu house tour.
I hope there are whispers at the next family gathering.
I hope that I’m the butt of a few jokes.
They can laugh all they want; they just better bring a shovel when I need ‘em.