I have not blogged recently because. . .
My son had open heart surgery and I was busy with that.
It was a surreal experience to say the least and I am still dealing with a few different emotions that come straggling in on occasion.
Apparently I was in some sort of denial because I never really dealt with the whole thing until after we were home from the week long hospital stay. He is well now, and that is what is most important.
I am amazed though, at the lack of sensitivity from those closest to us. Not all really, just a couple, but it’s like a terrible thorn in my side. I don’t know why I care so much. I can only assume that my anger has more to do with the big picture and I am somehow choosing to direct it all to this one area. . . hmmm. I wonder if I’ll sleep tonight.
To quote my offenders, “yes it’s over and yes he’s “healed” “ But I feel as though my own heart has a gaping wound. Almost like something died. Maybe it was my hope. My hope that we would somehow be “saved” this experience. . . . I wonder why I even care about that, now that it’s over. It’s like dreading the pain of child labor after you have already had the baby. What is wrong with me?
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2 comments:
I'm so glad you commented on my blog.
I struggle with the same issue. Ater my son's surgery although I was so thankful it was finally over and behind us I had this haunting about it. Part of it was the fact that we never got the clear "he is completely healed and will not need any future surgeries" so I still hold onto the fear of going through it again. The other part is just the realization that the experience is so intense that I will never be the same again because of it. It's one of those things that NO ONE can understand and no matter what anyone says their comments will sound trite and way more light than what's reality to you. I'm glad to hear your son is doing well. I'm sure it will be nice for your family to get back to some normalcy.
Thank you for that.
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